


Green Eyed Boy

by Wintergrew



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, Blindness, M/M, Recovery, Slice of Life, Wheelchairs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-09-05 22:43:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20281066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wintergrew/pseuds/Wintergrew
Summary: Ash and Eiji got away. Far away, where no one could ever hurt them again.Based on art by sevenflats/nakimooshi where Ash was permanently blinded and wheelchair bound after he escaped Dino.





	Green Eyed Boy

**Author's Note:**

> This is somewhat a rambling slice of life fic...which is a complete departure from my usual plot and exposition heavy writing.
> 
> Based on this art...hopefully she isn't horribly offended by my writing. :'D https://sevenflats.tumblr.com/post/180313423460/i-have-an-au-where-ash-is-made-permanently-blind

“What are you reading?” Eiji asked.

“The Cay,” Ash responded without turning to him.

“Is it any good?” Eiji asked in a forcefully cheerful voice, slowly walking towards where he sat.

“Mm,” Ash responded with an ambiguous grunt, “I’m still getting used to how to read.” Eiji’s throat felt like it contracted.

“As smart as you are...I-I’m sure you’ll be reading quickly again,” Eiji placed his hand softly on Ash’s shoulder. With that, Ash shut the book with a sigh. It was quite large in size and bound more similarly to a notebook, causing it to thump slightly. He pushed it aside on the table, and turned his head towards Eiji.

“You went grocery shopping, didn’t you?” Ash asked, “What are we having for dinner?”

\---

“Here,” Eiji placed the plate in front of Ash on their kitchen table. A single large plate, American style like Ash was used to.

“Smells good,” Ash gave a small smirk, reaching for the for the fork, always to the left of his plate, “What is it?”

Eiji took his hand that gripped the fork gently, guiding it over the plate. “Some potatoes like you asked,” he hovered his hand to the left of the plate, “a salad above that at 12 o’clock--”

“Shrimp and avocado?” Ash asked with a small pout.

“No, actually,” Eiji replied, “I put in an avocado, but on the way back to the store some tourists went crabbing and offered me some. I figured we don’t need double seafood, so I boiled them. I already pulled out all the meat for you on the right--I’ll go get the melted butter.”

“Nice, thanks,” Ash smiled.

“Of course,” Eiji patted his shoulder before walking back to the kitchen of their small waterfront home. A small A-frame that was in poor condition and was going to be torn down. It wasn’t the most convenient nor remotely cheap, but they both decided that they wanted a place directly on the water, and it was the best they could do with the amount of money Ash had left saved away that wasn’t discovered.

The melted butter was still sitting in two small bowels in the microwave, one for each of them. It was a rustic microwave that came with the place that Eiji had to use twice as long as a normal microwave. He opened it up, and as he feared there were still large chunks of unmelted butter. Frustrated, he slammed the microwave shut again and let out a groan.

“You alright, Eiji?” Ash asked from the table, “What’s going on?”

“Nothing. It’s just the microwave acting up again. It’s alright,” Eiji called out, trying to sound calm. But he wasn’t. 

Eiji put his palms flat on the dated countertops and leaned forward, squeezing his eyes shut. His breaths grew more and more heavy.

“Well okay,” Ash sighed, “Just come and eat yourself, okay? Don’t get yourself worried over that piece of junk.”

Eiji couldn’t respond, merely tensing his arms as he tried to steady his uneven breaths. He knew Ash knew wasn’t about the damn microwave.

The microwave pinged once more and Eiji forced himself to stand up straight and reach for it. The butter was fully melted this time, but the small bowels were extremely hot, causing him to pull his hand away as soon as he touched them. With a sigh, he used a towel lying on the counter to carry them over. One to Ash’s right, and one near his own plate. Ash reached his hand over to the crab, grabbing a piece, and moving it over towards the butter.

“Wait!” Eiji cried out, grabbing his arm. The gesture startled Ash, causing him to drop the crab to the floor.

“What?” Ash furrowed his brows.

“Th-The bowl is very hot, I nearly burnt myself,” Eiji explained, “Why don’t I do it for you?”

“Just show me where it is and I can do it myself.”

“No!” Eiji frowned, “Just let me feed you. You might accidentally--”

“I can do things for myself, Eiji,” Ash’s voice grew irritated as his eyebrows furrowed, “I lost the ability to use my legs, not my arms.”

“Why won’t you just let me take care of you?!” Eiji yelled back, his voice cracking. Ash’s expression fell.

“Eiji,” Ash sighed, reaching his hand out. His fingertips lightly brushed Eiji’s face for a moment before slowly moving it to cup Eiji’s face. He felt wetness on his face, and with his thumb he lightly brushed the tears away from under Eiji’s eye.

“I just want to take care of you,” Eiji sobbed, gripping Ash’s wrist.

“You are,” Ash smiled sadly.

\---

“The old man down the road came by when you were out today. You know, the one who has the loud dog he walks down the beach,” Ash announced as they both sat on the sofa as the television played. It was some trashy sitcom from the mid 2000s that neither of them particularly  _ liked  _ but didn’t mind either.

“You answered the door?” Eiji nearly gasped.

“I wouldn't have, but I recognized his voice,” Ash explained, “He said he’s going to be going into Seattle for the next week and told us that if we wanted to use his boat to go crabbing or just to have a ride we could, that he could take us out to tomorrow to show us how.”

“What did you say?”

“I said I didn’t think so, but thanks for the offer.”

“But why?” Eiji asked.

“Because, Eiji I--”

“Let’s do that first thing tomorrow,” he interrupted, “It’ll be good for you. For us.” Ash paused a moment before he responded.

“Alright.”

“They go really early in the morning, right?” Eiji asked, “So we should probably go to bed now. Do you want to sleep down here on the sofa or--”

“Take me upstairs,” Ash reached out for Eiji’s arm.

They really should have gotten a one story house. It would have been far more convenient given Ash’s wheelchair. But they got what they could, and neither of them were going to complain. Ash wrapped his arms around Eiji’s neck as Eiji slowly picked him up bridal style from the sofa.

Ash, being a 19 year old man, wasn’t exactly easy for Eiji to carry, especially up a flight of stairs. Of course, he was much skinnier and lighter than when he first met him, but for all the wrong reasons that Eiji didn’t allow himself to be grateful for that. He merely focused on carrying him, hoping more than anything that he wouldn’t accidentally drop him.

“One day, we’ll put in one of those wheelchair accessible lifts on the side of the staircase,” Eiji announced as he took his time up the staircase.

“But what if I  _ want _ you to carry me?” Ash joked. Eiji didn’t find it funny. Not because he was annoyed at having to carry him, but because Eiji knew that the Ash he knew would never mean that. 

The Ash he met in what felt like a different lifetime, in a different world. The 17 year old boy he met in a run down bar in Manhattan who carried around a real gun and casually admitted to having killed people. The boy who took nothing from nobody, not afraid to get his hands dirty for what he thought was right. The boy who could take on a dozen other men on his own in a fight. The boy who had nothing but sorrows, but still fought for a better tomorrow.

The boy who gave up  _ everything _ for him.

As they reached the top of the stairs, Eiji began to turn right to the small bedroom he had for Ash, albeit he hardly used opting to stay on the ground floor most of the time. The second floor of the A-frame was more of an attic than anything, to be honest, with two small rooms on either side of the staircase that had doorways but lacked doors. The slant of the building also caused Ash to accidentally hit his head more than once.

“No,” Ash told him.

“No?”

“I’ll sleep in your room tonight. With you.”

\---

Eiji awoke to the sound of his phone alarm. Ash--being Ash--never would wake to the sound of any alarm clocks, his arms wrapped tightly around Eiji. He managed, despite Ash’s, to reach for his phone and turn it off. It was 6 am, just after sunrise but probably long after the old man probably woke up, usually preferring to go crabbing at about 7 am. About five hours before Ash liked to wake up.

“Ash it’s time to wake up,” Eiji gently nudged him. Ash groaned tiredly, gripping onto him even more tightly.

“Come on Ash, we need to get ready,” Eiji sat up, nudging him slightly harder, “We’re going on the boat today, remember?” Ash groaned, digging his nose into Eiji’s torso.

Even though Eiji should be annoyed, he couldn’t help but smile. Something about this was just so... _ cute _ . Or perhaps it was also nostalgic. Despite all that changed, Ash’s inability to wake up early never changed. Nor did the way he would cling onto him on the occasions they shared a bed together. He couldn’t help himself as he kissed the top of Ash’s head, directly onto his messy light blond hair.

The impact of the kiss caused Ash to jump suddenly, his head banging directly into Eiji’s nose. His arms instantly let go of Eiji as he pushed himself away.

“Ash?” Eiji asked cautiously, as he instinctively brought his hand to his sore nose to make sure it wasn’t bleeding.

“Eiji,” Ash responded, wide awake but breathing heavily as if to catch his breath, “It’s just you.”

Eiji’s heart fell. “Ash I--”

“Forget it. I’m fine,” he put his hand up defensively, though still breathing heavily.

“Ash--”

“Help me get ready.”

\---

“How’s the sky?” Ash asked as they exited the A-frame, Eiji pushing his wheelchair down the makeshift ramp they put on the porch.

“It’s still a little orange from the sunrise,” Eiji told him, “And not a cloud in the sky. It’s supposed to be nice today.”

“Good,” Ash smiled.

“Enjoy the July sun while we can, I guess,” Eiji commented, “We’re going to have a lot of clouds when the summer ends.”

“Makes no difference to me,” Ash laughed. Eiji frowned. Sensing the awkwardness, Ash merely sighed. Eiji merely pushed him forward.

“I like it here,” Ash broke the silence, “More than Cape Cod.”

“Why?” Eiji asked, after a brief moment.

“I’m not sure,” Ash answered, “Maybe because I don’t have to look at it.”

It wasn’t a long walk to the boat ramp. Just a concrete slab that went into the Puget Sound.

“Mornin’,” a voice called out, “Thought you two might come on by afterall.”

“Morning,” Ash responded to the old man, “I know I said no to your offer but--”

“Of course you two can still ride on out, Chris.”

Ash presumed the identity of Chris Winston. It was easy enough, he already had it made up with proper identification and all.

A rich New York boy whose life changed overnight from a terrible illness and decided to move up to the Pacific Northwest to live quietly by the sea. A sad but believable story. Arguably more believable than him going by Ash Lynx--a boy who legally died a year ago.

Eiji’s living with him remained unexplained. People probably just presumed they were lovers, or perhaps his caretaker. He went by his real name “Eiji”, but never specified to people his last. After all, he didn't want to be found either. Not because he had overstayed his visa--Ash forged paperwork to cover that long ago. But because no one could know where they were. Not his parents, not even Ibe.

No one could know that they had fled to an island in Puget Sound, Washington. A place that was peaceful and beautiful, where Ash could hear the water and sound of seagulls. A place that was incredibly beautiful for Eiji to take in. Remote, yet close enough to Seattle that Eiji could take Ash to a big city if he were ever to become stir crazy. A place with no connection to either of them, where no one would think to look.

“This is the boat,” Eiji explained, guiding Ash’s hand out to touch it. It was a small, modest aluminum boat that looked like a rowboat except for the fact it had a motor on the back. Three rows of small bench-like seating, including back where the person steering the motor would sit.

The old man tossed them both life jackets. Eiji quickly put his own on, and then assisted Ash with his.

“Now Chris, can you sit up straight?” the man confirmed, “I don’t want you falling in.”

“He can,” Eiji answered for him. Ash frowned.

“Alright,” the man replied, “Let’s just go for a joyride.”

Eiji carefully helped Ash into the boat. They sat on the middle row, which Eiji thought would be safer so he could hold onto him. It also prevented Ash from accidentally hitting the gas tank in the front of the boat. Once they were comfortably seated, the man pushed the boat down the ramp and into the sound, quickly jumping in.

“So Eiji, look here,” he called over to him, “First we gotta advance the throttle. This thing here. Got it?” Eiji nodded. “Now. You see this notch on the engine? You gotta make sure the boat is in neutral before you start, otherwise it’s locked. Turn it back and it’s in reverse. Turn it forward and it’s in drive.”

“Alright,” Eiji nodded.

“Wanna pull the cord for me now?” he asked.

“Sure,” Eiji nodded. He pulled the cord as hard and far out as he could and let it go. Nothing. Ash laughed under his breath.

“C’mon, I know you have more muscles than that,” the man teased.

Frowning, Eiji pulled it again, harder this time. As he let it go, the engine started.

The man started slow, going out on the sound towards Whidbey Island. A gentle ride that wouldn’t frighten either of them.

“Faster,” Ash requested.

“Alrighty,” the man grinned, pulling the handle of the motor faster. As Ash had asked, the speed picked up, causing their hair to fly up and the front of the boat to lift. Instinctively, Eiji wrapped his arms around Ash.

Seeing Eiji’s actions, the boat gradually slowed down. “You alright?” the man asked.

“Maybe a little  _ too  _ fast for Eiji,” Ash smirked.

“Gotcha,” he winked.

Keeping the boat at a steady speed, they went further and further into the sound. 

“You can see Mount Baker from here,” Eiji commented, lightly pointing Ash’s head towards it to the right of the boat.

“What’s it like?” Ash asked.

“It’s a tall mountain, covered in snow.”

“Like your Mount Fuji?” 

“No, far more jagged. Like the Rocky Mountains.”

“What else do you see?” Ash asked.

Eiji looked around. It was all so incredibly beautiful, he didn’t know where to start.

“If you turn around you can see Utsalady Bay,” Eiji told him, “All the houses lined up on the beach, and even those up the way. Some of the big new mansions, as well as the older cabins. It’s low tide, so you can see quite a lot of the beach. It looks like some people have tents up for a picnic near the Lady’s aid--you know the place, right?”

“Can you see our A-frame?” he asked. Getting the hint, the man turned u-turned the boat so they were facing the bay.

“Yes,” Eiji lifted up Ash’s hand and gently guided a pointed finger, “It’s right there. You’re pointing at it.”

“I bet it’s beautiful,” Ash smiled.

It was only then that Eiji noticed the tears welling up in his sightless green eyes.

\---

“I’m sorry I made you go,” Eiji told him back at their home.

“Why?”

“Don’t act like that!” Eiji snapped.

“I enjoyed it.”

“No you didn't!” Eiji found his anger rising.

“I think I know whether or not I enjoyed something, Eiji,” Ash’s own voice grew irritated. 

“What did you enjoy, huh? Going out on a boat to see a pretty view you can’t even enjoy?” Eiji felt hot tears form in his own eyes, “I saw you crying, I saw--”

“I like seeing the world through your words.”

Eiji froze, a loss for words. A tear he had been trying to hold back ran down his face.

“I like the feel of the speed and wind on my face. It gives me the feeling of running again. You know, something I can’t exactly do anymore.”

“Because of--”

“And I happen to enjoy nearly any activity with you.”

Eiji lost the battle with his own emotions. 

“Oh Ash,” he sobbed.

\---

Before long, summer ended and the northwestern skies turned to a seemingly eternal grey. The temperature grew colder and the days shorter. Many of the tourists and snowbirds left the island and went back home--the old man included. The long and infamous Washington rainy season had begun.

“Do you miss the sun?” Ash asked.

“Do you?”

“I miss the sunset,” he answered.

It was clear the were talking about two different things.

\---

Ash wasn’t getting better. 

Although the rides out in the boat seemed to help get his mind off things, it was only temporary. Eiji took them to Seattle one day, hoping the excitement and familiarity of a big city would help him. It didn’t. His lack of sight in inability to maneuver like before brought him to an instant panic.

Eiji would try to drive them around places. Up to a small restaurant in La Conner, to a brewery in Mount Vernon, anywhere he could think of. Yet nothing seemed to lift his spirits. Eventually, Ash told him to stop taking him places. That he just wanted to stay at home for a while.

Some days were better than others. Some days he would get up and get dressed on his own without Eiji telling him to. He had figured out by then how to get up from the sofa onto his wheelchair. It took him quite a lot of time, but he could dress himself. Eiji labeled his clothing by color and type, making it easy for him. He even figured out how to navigate the fridge and kitchen to make some food on his own.

On those days Eiji could feel confident leaving him alone as he went to his job at a local pizza parlor down the road. Ash had figured out how to use the voiceover on an iphone quite quickly, so he was able to message him or call him if need be. Eiji would come home straight from work to greet him.

Other days were not so good. Some days Ash would refuse to get up at all. Other days he wouldn’t speak a single word the entire day. Sometimes he would go days barely touching his food.

Seemingly every night he heard Ash scream in his sleep, whether he were downstairs on the sofa or in his room across the way. A few times Eiji would insist it was better for them to sleep together for Ash’s nerves. At first it seemed to help. When he began to stir or moan in his sleep, Eiji would wrap his arms around him and slowly hushed him, sometimes even humming old songs he remembered his own mother singing to him as a child.

One night, that didn’t go so well. Ash, through his nightmare, mistook Eiji for someone else. Before Eiji knew it, a fist flew into his face. Eiji was grateful he couldn’t see his black eye. Nonetheless, after that Ash refused to sleep in the same bed as him.

Before he hated it when Ash pretended to be okay when he knew he wasn’t. Now he would do anything to see his smile again.

\---

“Take me outside.”

It was one of the “good days” that day. Still, it surprised Eiji quite a lot to hear him make such a bold request.

“Ash, it’s pouring rain.”

“Exactly.”

“You’ll freeze.”

“At least I’ll feel  _ something _ .”

Eiji felt his chest tighten. “Alright.”

Although Ash argued for them to not have an umbrella, Eiji managed to convince them to wear raincoats. Once they were on, and with an exasperated groan, Eiji opened the back door towards the ocean and wheeled Ash down the ramp towards the ocean.

As Eiji had warned, it was pouring and very cold outside. The rain pattered on their raincoats, pooling in the crinkled pockets on Ash’s lap. Still, a smile grew on Ash’s face as he lifted his hands outward.

“I’ve always liked the rain,” Ash explained, “My dad always thought it was weird, but I always liked going out in it, never wanting an umbrella.”

“Really?” Eiji asked.

“Yeah,” Ash nodded, “Even in general, for some reason I’ve always found that the rain calms me down. I know it’s supposed to have the opposite effect but…”

“But?”

“I dunno,” Ash shrugged, putting his hands on his lap, “But when I was...in bad places, hearing the rain pounding on the roof always comforted me. Or looking at it pour from out the window.”

“Ash--”

“I’m sorry I’ve been acting like this lately,” Ash sighed, “It’s not fair to you, is it?”

“What?” Eiji found himself immediately taken back by his words.

“I’ve just been, you know...moping around all day while you’ve been busy working.”

“What are you talking about?” Eiji asked in disbelief as he walked closer to him, “You shouldn’t refer to what you’re going through as ‘moping around’.”

“Then what?”

“Ash, you’re  _ hurting _ ,” Eiji shook his head, an indescribable feeling growing from the pit of his stomach, “You--You shouldn’t  _ ever _ talk down all your feelings like that.”

“But it’s over now!” Ash laughed in a way that made Eiji instantly uncomfortable, “I’m free from Dino. You  _ saved _ me. I have a normal life now and--”

“ _ Save _ you? Look at you!” Eiji cried, “You’re blind and in a wheelchair.”

“That’s--”

“Because of  _ me! _ ” tears ran down his face, mixing in with the rain that kept beating down, “ _ I’m  _ the reason you went back to that horrible place. If it wasn’t for me--If I never--” He couldn’t finish what he was saying.

It was all his fault.

If it wasn’t for Eiji, none of this would have ever happened. He went back to Dino to save Eiji’s life. Where he was drugged, losing his sight and his ability to walk. His freedom. Everything he had been fighting for.

“Eiji,” Ash’s voice softened as he slowly rolled his wheelchair up towards him. He slowly lifted a hand, trying to find his face.

Eiji took a step back to dodge his hand. “Why are  _ you _ trying to comfort  _ me _ ?”

“Eiji, you saved my life,” Ash shook his head in disbelief.

“Because of a situation that only happened because of--”

“I’m not talking about that, Eiji. I’m not talking about  _ any _ one instance. From the moment you met me, you’ve  _ always _ been saving me.”

“You’re wrong,” Eiji sobbed, “It’s my fault that--” 

“Eiji, I  _ love  _ you.”

Neither of them spoke. Only the sound of the pouring rain and howling rain prevented silence. After a few moments, Ash reached out his hand once more. This time, Eiji accepted him, bending down and letting him cup his face. He put both hands on Eiji’s cheeks and had their eyes meet--even if Ash’s were unseeing.

“Please don’t blame yourself for this, Eiji,” Ash smiled, trying to fight back tears of his own, “If anything, I view it as the price I pay in getting to keep you near. Maybe it’s selfish, maybe I should still send you back to Japan so you don’t have to take care of me. But, still...I would much rather be blind and wheelchair bound and have you than--”

“Please don’t say that,” Eiji squeezed his wrists.

“But I  _ mean  _ it.”

“Then...at least  _ please  _ accept that your own pain is valid,” Eiji told him, “I know that a lifetime of terrible things isn’t going to just go away because we have run away. But…” Eiji sighed, “Let’s try to get better. Even if it takes time. Even if--”

“Okay.”

\---

“I’ve gotten used to being blind, I think.”

“Really?” Eiji asked, “That’s good, right?”

“It’s easy to work past, honestly,” he shrugged, “I can still hear and feel, so it’s pretty easy to tell where a lot of things are. Technology has advanced that made a lot of things accessible to blind people. I think if I was  _ just _ blind I would be fine.”

Eiji couldn’t think of a response.

“If I was  _ just _ blind, I could get a dog or cane,” Ash continued, “I think I would be able to go where I want and be pretty independent. It’s the fact that I’m blind  _ and _ in this chair that makes me feel so…”

“Trapped?” Eiji asked despite the knot in his throat.

Eiji’s reponse made Ash frown. “I’m sorry, I--”

“No, talk about your feelings,” Eiji sat down at the table next to him, “If you want to. I think it’s good for you.” Even if it hurt Eiji. Even if it made the guilt even more unbearable.

“I do wish I could see your face again, though.”

“Don’t you?” Eiji asked, reaching for his hands, slowing bringing them to his own face, “You can feel it right?”

“I guess,” Ash laughed, “Your eyes still seem to be pretty big. Your skin is still soft, though man I can still feel your pores. You should do something about that.” Eiji chuckled. “Your nose seems the same. You Asians have a lot squishier noses than I do. Your lips…”

“My lips?” Eiji raised an eyebrow.

“Way too chapped,” Ash shook his head playfully, letting out a light  _ tsk _ , “If we were in summer it would be one thing, but with all this wet air you have no excuse.”

“They’re not chapped!” Eiji frowned, smacking him lightly on the arm.

Ash laughed as if it were the funniest thing in the world.

\---

“Let’s go back to sleeping in the same bed,” Eiji announced as it grew late.

“Eiji, you know that--”

“I miss having you there.”

“If I hurt you again--”

“People punch on accident in their sleep all the time,” placed his hand on Ash’s shoulder, “It’s not abnormal. Though...if you’re uncomfortable with the idea, I would  _ never  _ want to pressure you.”

Ash didn’t respond right away, merely grasping Eiji’s hand.

“Alright,” he finally agreed.

As he had dozens of times, Eiji carefully carried Ash up the rickety stairs. He had gotten a lot better and more confident at carrying him up them. The small bedroom they sometimes shared had evolved somewhat. On a better day, Ash helped Eiji give the chipping wall an entire upstairs a fresh coat of white paint. He made it more personal as well, pinning up photos of the two of them he had all about the upstairs. Ash couldn’t see them, but he commented that it was a good idea. That he could still feel the spirit of the photos.

“It’s warmer up here,” Ash commented as Eiji placed him on his bed, “I mean I know heat rises, but I’ve been sleeping on the sofa for so long that I didn’t realize how drastic the difference was.”

“Sorry,” Eiji apologized, sitting next to him on the bed.

“Oh c’mon I didn’t mean it like that. Don’t actually apologize.”

“At least you’re warm now.”

“To be fair, it’s pretty hard not to around you,” Ash teased, leaning back into the bed.

“What does that mean?” Eiji quickly jumped up to adjust the blankets and pillows for him. 

Ash sighed. “We really should talk about  _ us _ .”

“Us?”

“Eiji,” Ash glared, “We can’t keep doing this.”

“D-Doing what?” Eiji asked, thankful that Ash couldn’t see how red his face was.

“I’m not sure if or when I can have sex with you.”

Eiji froze in his tracks. “I’ve never expected that from you, Ash. I thought you knew that.”

“You’re saying you never thought about it?” 

“N-No, I wouldn’t say  _ that _ but...Ash, are we even...?”

“That’s why I said we should talk about it,” Ash answered seriously, though with a slight amount of annoyance in his voice.

“Ash,” Eiji sat on the right side of the bed, “I know that you’ve been through...unimaginable things. Don’t worry about  _ my  _ feelings. After everything, all I’ve taken from you, I would  _ never _ want to put you through something that could be...uncomfortable.”

“I told you, stop blaming yourself,” Ash frowned, “You should be living a normal life in Japan--”

“I don’t  _ want  _ that! Haven’t I told you that I’d do  _ anything _ for you?”

Ash kissed him.

He missed at first, getting his cheek and only the very left corner of his mouth. Eiji slowly brought his hand to Ash’s face and helped guide him, allowing their lips to meet once more.

It was slow and restrained, both of them worrying too much about pushing the other too far. Almost like young kids experimenting as opposed to two grown men who have lived together as long as they had. A hand on Ash’s face, Ash’s hand on Eiji’s upper arms, but nothing more. Slowly, Eiji pulled away from the kiss.

“I love you, Eiji.”

“I love you, too.”

They kissed again.

**Author's Note:**

> Might make a part 2? Maybe? Not sure.
> 
> I also didn't really edit this much.


End file.
